I’m sure you have a friend — awesome, successful, beautiful, got it goin’– (maybe it’s you) that is dating that guy you perceive as a loser, when clearly, she could totally do better. Maybe you’ve already told her and she KNOWS the guy is bad news… So what’s keeping her there? Good news is, she’s not entirely bat shit crazy. Here are some reasons why she hasn’t pulled the plug on Mr. Sexo-DeadBeat.
1) Time invested (a.k.a Time wasted). We often don’t understand the concept of time. It’s a COST, not an INVESTMENT. Investing money (if done properly) yields more money. Unfortunately, investing more time into a man does not yield more time. Once this second is gone, it’s gone. Giving him one more month or one more day isn’t going to make an unhealthy relationship better. That’s like sending good money after bad. The last 6 months, two years, whatever amount of time you’ve dated that douchetron are gone. How do you fix it? You cut your costs and move on. Buh-bye. Buh-bye now…
2) You had sex… and it was good. I generally caution women (who are looking for a serious relationship leading to marriage) against “hooking up.” Here’s why in four syllables: OX-Y-TO-CIN! I’m sure you’ve heard of it, but if you haven’t, allow me to elucidate. *smile* Oxytocin is the hormone responsible for those powerful contractions during childbirth, promoting breastfeeding, and creating a sense of bonding. When women give birth gargantuan amounts of oxytocin flood the blood stream giving moms that lifelong “unconditional love” for their babies. Guess when else oxytocin is released? Hint: Starts with the same letter — A BIG one…. That’s right, oxytocin is also released during ORGASMS! *gasp* Yes, that’s why women automatically feel more bonded to the guy after they bang him. Get it? So if homeboy is doin’ his thing, ummm, yeah, you’re f*cked — quite literally. So what do you do? You gotta get away. Far, FAR away… I always recommend a love cleanse. (I’ll write about that in detail another time.)
3) You don’t like yourself. I hate to break it to you, but many women stay in bad relationships because many times, they don’t believe they can do better. I know you’re probably going to argue with me telling me that’s not the case with your homegirl. She’s one of the most confident people you know and you can’t imagine she’d have poor self-esteem. Perhaps, you’re right. Truth of the matter is that we all have a strong drive to avoid a cognitive dissonance (in english: what you SAY you are feeling and what you are REALLY feeling subconsciously don’t match) so we seek a world that is consistent with our deepest beliefs (in our subconscious). If your deepest beliefs are that you rock and people tell you that you rock, you’ll gravitate to and attract more people who love and accept you for rockin. If this is the case, then life is f*ckin awesome! If deep down inside you don’t believe you’re amazing, it doesn’t matter how many people tell you and confirm how amazing you are, your subconscious is going to tell you it’s not true, they are liars and not to be trusted. They end up with men who fulfill their self-concept. (Are you catching on now?)
So how do you fix it? Stop faking the funk and improve your self-esteem. 🙂
- Learn to accept compliments gracefully. Allow them to sink in and fight the urge to self-deprecate. Smile and say thank you. A lady always appreciates a sincere compliment. 🙂
- Forgive yourself and then never apologize again for being who you are. Revel in it.
- Volunteer. Nothing boosts your self-esteem more than being of value and service to someone else. Doing good feels REALLY good and it makes you more thankful. for your many badass blessings. An attitude of gratitude cures a multitude of ills.
- And for Goddess’ sake, REALLY love yourself. Take time for you! Work out! Do stuff that feels good for YOU.
Then again, if none of these apply, you (or your friend) might just be bat sh*t crazy and probably need to
be committed seek out therapy. I kid, I kid… Later lovers! :-*
With Love, Blessings y Buena Vibra,