The 10 Absolute Truths About Men in Miami

by Dirk DeSouza*

  1. No man will ever willing move away from Miami for any reason whatsoever unless it involves mandatory corporate relocation or family pressures
  2. Once a man, regardless of looks or income, has sex with a girl who’s approximately 2x hotter than any girl he ever dated from his hometown in another state, will ever forget the experience and will emotionally abuse lesser-looking girls as long as he lives here
  3. There are approximately 100 men in Miami who live in waterfront homes and have financial access to yachts and jets who have ruined the entire city for lesser / average men. Girls who step onto these yachts / jets / waterfront homes are forever ruined, engage in intentional / unintentional call-girl-like activities, and will emotionally abuse / dismiss lesser men forever, even long after they leave Miami.
  4. As long as a guy has a) a little game, b) a nice body, c) a little money, d) access / connections to exclusive events, openings, clubs, bottles, etc, he will forever find sex and public accompaniment in Miami, regardless of his age or physical deterioration
  5. No successful / in-demand man in Miami will ever accept having a girlfriend unless she smothers him to a greater degree than other women smother him and he is impressed by her brains. Even then, he will continue to play the market via shady texting & Facebook.
  6. Miami men will never, ever willfully marry or willfully impregnate any woman who looks like a fantasy-like, jetsetting whore. He will take them to Prime 112 and Mr. Chow 800 times, have sex with them for as long as possible, then eventually marry a girl approximately 40% less “hot” who he can introduce to his mother.
  7. 7) Men of below-average-to-average looks who are constantly, inexplicably surrounded by hot girls all the time … that’s the guy with the coke
  8. Men in their 40’s and 50’s will continue having sex with girls in their 20’s as long as they “can”, and will only consider (partially) settling down with a woman in their mid-30’s after a minimum of 50% of their Sex Wish List is fulfilled, or until which time the women in their 20’s say they “can’t”.
  9. 9) Men who actively seek to do business with other men must find the palest guy at the party, for he is the only person in the room who actually works
  10. Men who are of average looks, average income, hold unsexy jobs, live average lives, are close to their families and are “good people” will never be attractive to any woman under 36, when her fertility rate drops to 13%, and only begrudgingly so.

*from one of his hilarious posts on Facebook. Thanks, Dirk. Brill… as always.

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